What It Means To Live In The Layers

Layers: Altered Photo

from The Layers

              Stanley Kunitz

In my darkest night,

              when the moon was covered

                     and I roamed through wreckage,

        a nimbus- clouded voice

directed me:

"Live in the layers,

not in the litter."

    Though I lack the art

to decipher it,

           no doubt the next chapter

                  in my book of transformations

is already written.

                    I am not done with my changes.

I  don't know what the poet meant when he talks

about "living in the layers, and not the litter", 

but it resonates with me on a very personal level,

a very literal level. I seem to be mired in an accumulation

of years of work, stacked in closets, in drawers, books

and books of collage.I have begun to feel

like an eccentric hoarder living amongst the litter!

 Rarely, when someone is 

interested in a purchase, I pull out pieces until

one is found that is wanted and given a new home.

I am just not good at self promotion, often try "too hard"

on social media, am not ambitious in the way of

setting ground work for "success" in the material sense

of  sales or publications.  This blog has not engaged many viewers,

has lacked an active commentary or following,

(even after a four year run),

all for which I accept personal responsibility.

(I am certainly grateful for a few

loyal souls who have given me precious feedback.)

Whatever talent or gift, intention or persistence,

the failure to engage viewers 

remains with the artist.

And still I continue making art,

posting my efforts,

year after year, stack after stack.

I've made lots of so/so art, some really bad art

and some good art too.

For me at this point, "living in the layers" means

accepting my process, my lack of personal "sales" drive,

my patient pursuit of providence, my belief that 

the art I make is healing for me,

(and just might  be for others), my trust that

I will continue to create and use the energy

that I am given, and that being  grateful for

 doing what I love is important,  no matter the short falls,

the trials and errors, the abject failures.

The art matters, I believe that.

It has become my way of being in the world,

it is my life line, my touch stone to the layers of my heart.

If somehow what I do reaches others,

it is not my job to measure or locate what might occur.

What is mine is to do, to make art, to learn to see

more and more with every layer.